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Hi friends!

Welcome to my little corner of Al Gore’s Internet. I’m Jareesa - I’m a scientist, a freelance writer, a knitter, wife to LM, mom to #BabyPi, and more. I love Queen Bey, squishy yarn, watching GBBO, and attempting to bake. Sometimes I rant, sometimes I rave, but I always tell the truth.

Whining Doesn't Work - Trust Me, I Know

True story - I run a Meetup group for Black women in the Twin Cities. I discovered the group when I moved back last year, and when the original organizer decided to step down, I took over as organizer of the group. It's a pretty big group of ladies - 125 women or so - and most are single & relatively new to the area, and looking to make friends. This past Friday, our group did one of our outings - dinner and a movie to see Jumping the Broom. We did dinner after the movie since we went to a 7pm showing, and over margarita's at a local Mexican spot, the group began to converse & share.

I was seated at a table with 3 ladies who all knew each other from work; they are all highly successful, MBA-wielding ladies who all work at the headquarters of a large Fortune 500 company. They ranged in ages, looks (all attractive tho), and time spent in the Twin Cities, but they all had one thing in common.

They were complaining, whining ass chicks.

It started with talk about the Twin Cities & Minnesota in general, and how it wasn't DC or the Bay or Atlanta, blah blah blah. Then the topic turned to men - how prevalent interracial dating is here, how they can't meet men, how they have to import, blah blah blah. And no evening of complaining can be complete without the requisite "The 2520's at my job get on my nerves, they act surprised that  I speak in full sentences & use correct grammar" blah blah blah.


I  spent the night trying to counter all their complaints. Yeah Minnesota can get cold, but this winter was just a bad year, and besides, it's spring  now. Sure Minneapolis isn't DC or the Bay, but it's a lot better than some other places. Yeah there arent as many men as DC or LA but I've dated plenty here, and I get approached by men all the time. Yeah sometimes the 2520's suck at life, but you gotta let it roll off your back.

I don't think any of my comments were heard tho; they were too busy complaining to each other & hyping each other up.

By the end of the night, all I could do was shake my head and think "I'm so glad I don't live that life anymore".

Let me tell you - I've been there. I've lived that life. Being in Orlando was no picnic, and I was so miserable and unhappy, it was suffocating. And I spent almost 2.5 years complaining, whining, bitching & moaning. And you know what it got me? More upset, and some frustrated friends who were ready to throw me off a bridge if it would stop me from whining. I was stuck in my unhappiness & instead of rising above it, I wallowed in it. So I understand where those women on Friday were coming from. It's difficult to be in a new place, not plugged in socially, missing your home & your family/friends, and feeling lost.

But then I finally got my shit together & figured out that all the time I spent whining, complaining & bitching did absolutely nothing to change my situation. If anything, it only made it worse. It kept me unhappy & focused on the things I didn't like about Orlando. Once I made the conscious decision to be grateful for my life, and to find happiness in it no matter what (or where I was located), my life changed for the better.

I tried to share that on Friday but I think it went in one ear and out the other.

Oh well...not my problem.

I'm happy. My life is good. Could it be better? Absolutely. But I'm grateful for where I am, what I have, and I know the Universe has much more in store for me.

Don't be like those bitter, complaining chicks I met on Friday. Find joy no matter where you are in your life. Things may not be the greatest, but they can always be worse. And things can't get better if you dwell on the negativity in your life.

So glad I learned that lesson before it was too late.

I hope they do too.

Asking For Your Mate's Permission

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