You Aren't Entitled To A Wedding Invite


One of my dearest friends got married recently. She and her wife had a beautiful destination wedding, surrounded by less than 30 of their closest friends and family. My friend and her new wife had the wedding they truly wanted and enjoyed it fully, so imagine her surprise when she came back from her honeymoon to hurt feelings and disappointed friends. Why? Because some folks were not invited to her wedding, and they expected to be. The minute she mentioned that people were hurt over not receiving an invitation, I instantly knew why they were upset. I experienced it myself as a bride and had to deal with people who assumed they would be receiving an invite to my wedding. I had folks that I barely knew excitedly telling me how they planned to attend my wedding…and that led to an awkward conversation.

People, I want you to say it with me - no one is entitled to, or “owed” an invite to anyone’s wedding.

Wedding planning involves a never ending list of decisions that must be made, but deciding on a guest list is one of the hardest decisions a couple has to make. There are so many factors that go into it, from family politics to impact on your budget. Even if you have a limitless budget, that doesn’t mean that you want everyone and their mama invited to your wedding - some couples are intensely private and don’t want a ton of attention. Every couple makes their own criteria for who gets invited to their wedding, and they shouldn’t have to apologize for not inviting someone.

But no matter their reasoning, or guest list criteria, it doesn’t matter, because once again, you aren’t entitled to an invitation.

I already know what you’re thinking - "Of course there are situations where I should get an invite! What about when my relative or child or BFF gets marred?” Sorry, but you aren’t entitled in an invite to any of those weddings either. Really, the only time you absolutely should be invited to a wedding is when you’re one of the people engaging in said marriage. Otherwise, an invitation is a gift, not a requirement or expectation.

The lack of invitation results in hurt feelings when one of two things happens: when the invitation (or lack thereof) is viewed as an indication of the relationship, or when the invitation is viewed as some type of transactional exchange. While some couples make their guest lists based on who’s closest to them, it’s not always a guarantee, and you shouldn’t assume that the lack of invitation is an indication that they don’t care about you. Similarly, just because you invited someone to your wedding, it doesn’t immediately obligate them to invite you to theirs. This isn’t a ti for tat situation.

The best thing you can do is to detach any type of meaning or expectations to the invitation. And you definitely should not hint for or outright ask for an invitation to someone’s wedding (or really any type of event). It’s rude and tacky. Wish your folks well, and if you get invited to celebrate with them, I hope you get to attend and enjoy the experience. But even if you don’t, don’t let that change how you view the relationship or the couple.

Tell me, have you ever had an experience expecting an invitation that you never received? Did you have folks thinking they were invited to your wedding? Share in the comments!

18. It's Never Too Late To Start Over

Photo courtesy of Pixistock

Photo courtesy of Pixistock


Yay, it’s the weekend! How’d your week go?

If you go back into my archives, you see they stop at 2015. That’s because this week I deleted everything that was published prior to mid-2015. When I originally set up JTM Writes, I imported all the posts from my previous blog, which went all the way back to 2007! In those 8 years, a lot of life happened to me - I moved, I changed careers, I met my husband and got married. Those old posts were part journal, part time capsule, but I felt them like a weight around my neck. I wanted to be free of that history and embrace the future, not be bogged down with the past. And so after a quick Google search on “how to mass delete blog posts in Squarespace”, I deleted all my old posts.

Sometimes it can be hard to let go of things that you worked on for so long, but its also freeing to just drop everything and start over. Most of us get caught up in the fallacy of sunken costs, and it holds us hostage to situations that aren’t serving us, because we feel we “wasted” the time we spent already. I choose to look at life as a continuous learning opportunity, and therefore none of my time is ever wasted, because I’m always learning. My early blogging years gave me the confidence to apply for a writing fellowship and to become a freelance writer, and I’m forever grateful. And now its time to retire that part of my journey.

I’m also reminding myself that it’s not too late to start over as I embark on my third career, starting a consulting firm. Learn about how you can work with me at

Things I Read This Week:

The best $16 I ever spent: Old Navy pajamas after my husband left (Vox)

Why is framing a picture so expensive? (Vox)

Reviewers Wanted (Smart Bitches, Trashy Books)

Twitter Could Ban the Nazis Whenever It Wants, but It'd Rather Blow Trump All Day, Everyday (Pajiba)

How In Living Color Tricked Fox’s Censors to Get Jokes on Air (Vanity Fair)

The Underlying Messages That Screen-Time Recommendations Send Parents (The Atlantic)

When Did Celebrities Get So Bad At Taking Criticism? (Buzzfeed)

How to Find Band-Aids That Match Your Skin Tone (Lifehacker)

Halima Aden Is The First To Model A Burkini In Sports Illustrated (Refinery 29)

How to Help a Friend Facing Infertility (A Cup of Jo)

The Best Money-Saving Beauty Dupes (The Everygirl)

From Defendant to Defender: Theo Shaw, Once Almost Railroaded by the Justice System as One of the Jena 6, Is Now Officially a Lawyer (The Root)

In Defense of Fashion Criticism (Pajiba)

'We Would Not Have All Been White': Cynthia Nixon Reflects on Sex and the City's White Feminism Problem (The Root)

People on Twitter Are Sharing Their Fake Cookbook Names and It's Hilarious (The Kitchn)

More than 100 LuLaRoe sellers have filed for bankruptcy (Vox)

Two HIV Cases Linked to Spa That Gave Trendy 'Vampire Facials' (Jezebel)

The Conversation We Need to Have About Mental Health and Women of Color (The Everygirl)

Avengers: Endgame's Women Deserved More (Gizmodo)

She was the “queen of the mommy bloggers.” Then her life fell apart. (Vox)

What It's Like to Pay 50% of Your Income in Taxes (Lifehacker)

Other Stuff:

It’s wedding season! This weekend I’m attending the wedding of a dear friend, and I’m legit extremely excited. I know it’s going to be an epic party and I’m also really excited to celebrate their union. Plus I just love weddings!

I haven’t baked in awhile - I just haven’t felt the urge - but I want to try this olive oil cake recipe.

For the past month or so, I’ve been taking the time to do my face in the morning, and I’m actually enjoying it. It takes 5-10 minutes in the morning and my routine is pretty simple: foundation, fill in brows, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush and lip gloss. I’m also skipping setting powder and using setting spray instead, because of my dry skin. I’ve gotten several compliments (yay!) and it makes me feel more put together.

Have a great weekend!