Rethinking My Need To Be Thin

For many years I've had a love/hate relationship with my body. I had a slow steady weight gain in college, and then a rapid weight gain during the stress of graduate school. Over the years I've done Weight Watchers, Atkins and the Primal lifestyle with varying levels of success...but each time I've ended up gaining the weight back. For most of that time, I hid my body behind baggy clothes because I didn't feel confident in my size. I wasn't confortable wearing form-fitting clothes until just a few years ago. And even then, a cardigan that hid my tummy, hips, thighs and booty was my best friend. I just didn't think that cute things were meant for me, at least until I lost weight and got to a size that I thought was acceptable for those clothes. All those years that I walked around believing I was too fat to wear anything cute/tight/fitted, I also believed that I was too fat to get chose. I wanted to lose weight because I wanted to be someone's wife, but I was also afraid to do it. What if the reason I was single had nothing to do with my size? What if I did lose weight and was still single? I'd have nothing to blame my singleness on...and what would I do then? Remaining my size was somewhat of a security blanket, it gave me something to hide behind. People don't notice you as much when you're fat and you walk with your head down and hide behind cardigans.

Somehow I met my wonderful husband, and we fell in love. And he loves me just the way I am, at the size I am now. He is the first one to tell me that I'm beautiful consistently, and have me believe them. He constantly praises my body, and it feels good. I feel confident with him, in so many ways.

One day I was home alone just doing random things, and I had a thought hit me - what if I never got any smaller? What if I never lost another pound...would it even matter? What harm would it cause if I remained exactly as I am now? I can't worry about being forever alone because of my size, now that I'm happily married. Why am I waiting for this future time to enjoy all the fashion that I lust over on blogs and Instagram? Why am I holding myself back???

For months I've been lusting after the gorgeous plus size fashions I've seen displayed on various plus size blogs and Instagram accounts. I even got to meet one of my faves, Gabifresh, when I ran into her at my company on a random day. My absolute favorite blogger is Chastity from GarnerStyle. Chastity and I have similar body types, though I'm more hourglass than she is. I adore how she owns her shape and size, and she's not afraid to wear pencil skirts, fitted pants, etc. I also love how she's very honest and open about her clothing size and how things fit on her. After spending months reading, liking posts and finding inspiration, I thought...why can't I try out some of these things too? What's stopping me?

So I'm dipping my toes into the world of plus size fashion. I'm trying to challenge myself to try new things, whether its prints, or a different silhouette than I'm used to. And I've forced myself to not throw on a cardigan everyday, and instead put together my pieces in different ways. I'm getting comfy wearing fitted items, whether it's a mini-dress from Rebdolls, or a simple fitted tee and skinny jeans. I am who I am, and I shouldn't hide my body behind baggy clothes or look frumpy because I'm plus size. I'm cute dammit! I also signed up for Gwynnie Bee, which is a clothing rental service that specializes in plus size items. It's an awesome way for me to try styles that I wouldn't normally buy, with no commitment.

So now that I've shared my new viewpoint, get ready to see posts on outfits and how I'm overhauling my wardrobe! Check out some of the items I've worn...

Eloquii Skirt

Green jeans

AV Chambray Dress

GB Skater Dress