I thought he was The One. I was so sure he was The One, that when we jokingly discussed paying the visit to the courthouse, it wasn't a joke on my part. I was dead serious about signing some papers & taking myself off the market permanently.
Between now & then, a lot of things happened, and a lot of things changed. But my belief that we were meant for each other never changed. In my mind I just knew we would end up together, and that belief blossomed & grew, to the point where I was more invested than I should have been. My mind & heart truly believed that we were meant to be, and we would be when he got his stuff together.
So when it became clear that I needed to let all that go, it was harder than I ever anticipated. The hardest part isn't letting go of him - it's letting go of the "what if" part of it. The fantasy, the idea of what the future could be.Letting go of the idea that we could live happily ever after & ride off together into the sunset & have that magical fairytale relationship that is sold to every little girl.
The realization that I needed to let go of that dream during an innocuous conversation. The phrase "when someone shows you who they are, believe them" truly was in action. I listened to the words & realized I had two choices - I could continue to cling to the hope that one day my dreams would come true, or I could cut my losses & move on. It was at that moment that I decided to release what had held me hostage - not my feelings, but what I wished would manifest in the future. As wonderful & awesome & special as I am, I now realize that none of that is enough to change a person into who I want them to be. Continuing to hope & wish for that to happen will only result in 1 person getting hurt, and that's me. I've had enough of that.
Looks like I'm growing...