You know how some women know they are destined to be mothers, and they go their entire lives trying to make that dream happen? Yeah...that wasn't me, ever. In my early 20's, I thought I wanted to be a mom, but I realized that I really liked children that you could return to their owners. I never felt a strong desire to be a mom - it seemed like a drag. You get to take your money that you used to spend on yourself, and spend it on someone else, while you're deprived of sleep and covered in vomit. I like spending money on myself and I really love my sleep, so I was good on the kid thing. I knew I wanted to get married, and I knew I was destined to be a wife, but I wasn't really interested in the motherhood part. And then I fell in love.
As our relationship grew, and my love for him grew, I began to see my husband differently. I'd look at his chocolatey face and imagine a baby with his beautiful dark skin, and my dimples. That image became more frequent...and then I realized that I was fantasizing about our future baby. Wait - I want a baby? How the hell did that happen?
Love is a bitch. Love made me want to have a baby and it's all LM's fault.
My baby fever was cemented when I watched my husband interact with kids. He's super cute with the babies, but he's even cuter with the older kids. The first time he met my twin nieces and my nephew, they instantly latched onto him, and proceeded to outdo themselves as they vied for his attention. We got to see them on our Thanksgiving trip and the kids had a ball with their uncle - wrestling, taking pics, reading books and coloring together. As I sat and watched with my sister-in-law, we both remarked on how good he is with the kids.
LM has been on #TeamBaby for a while now. After some time, now I'm squarely on #TeamBaby too, and I ask him for one every day. It started out as a running joke...and then we wondered, what are we waiting for? We're ain't getting no younger (shout out to Jagged Edge) so maybe we should start trying? Are we even ready to have a baby? We've talked a lot and decided, yup, we're ready! So...let's make a baby?
Let's make a baby!
Except one small thing...I'm kinda scared. Actually I'm a lot scared. This is a complete shift in mindset for me. I spent years and years actively trying to NOT get pregnant, and doing a very good job of it. I've never even had a pregnancy scare. Now here I am, married to the best guy ever, wanting to have a baby...and I'm worried that I won't be able to. What if I never had a pregnancy scare because I can't get pregnant? What if it takes us forever and lots of money to get pregnant? What if we do it wrong? I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but also really excited. We're going to have a baby and that's gonna be awesome, right?
Got any tips for me? Books we should read, apps we should use, things we should try?