Random: I think I'm officially over my struggle with writing about my happy times and my fear of jinxing myself. And I got my inspiration back, yay! I'm going to try to keep up with this writing thing - writing when I'm inspired and not blogging on the Twitter. Is this gonna be the death of the epic Jubi Twitter rant? LOL we'll see...
With LM's move fast approaching, I've had one main project, to clear out space in my closets. The way my bedroom is set up, I have a large closet and a slightly smaller closet. The smaller one used to hold my cold weather clothes (sweaters, sweater dresses, sweatshirts) and my jeans, while the larger one held everything else and was separated between work clothes and play clothes. Since I needed to combine closets, I decided to do a big purge and take things to Goodwill. I went through both closets, my dresser and my shoe collection, and when I was done, Goodwill got 6 big bags of clothes and 2 bags of shoes. A lot of the things I donated were things I had never even wore but were bought in a moment of "If lose another 10 pounds it will fit" or they were things I used to fit but can't now. I finally downsized to what I actually need/use/wear. I also got rid of a lot of old stuff that I didn't wear anymore.
As I worked through this project, I had a lot of time to think so I let my mind wander. I say this a lot, but I'm amazed that LM and I are at this point - living together and starting a life. It seemed so improbable, I mean, who meets the love of their life on Twitter? There were a lot of opportunities for our relationship to end before it even began, and we sometimes talk about those instances. By all accounts, we had some hiccups in the beginning, all of which were big enough for each of us to want to throw in the towel. But something kept us connected, kept us from giving in to our impulse to say "fuck it, I'm done" and move to the next. I'll be honest, I was a bit of a fuck up when LM and I started out. We "met" on Twitter over a year before we met in person, just a few months after I ended things with the Vegas dude. I wasn't in any condition to be dating seriously, or even thinking about it. LM was just this interesting guy I met on Twitter who I had conversations with. He wasn't the first, and just like the others, I expected it to eventually fade away. But it never did, instead it transitioned to texts and phone calls, and then that fateful meeting. Even after he proclaimed his feelings for me, I still wasn't completely sure, and I came close to missing out on what has been an amazing relationship. Almost missed out..I'm just so thankful that I didn't. That we didn't miss out on this love that we share, this connection we have.
As I cleared closet space in my home, I began to see how I subtlety cleared way for LM in my heart and my spirit. I needed time to get over heartbreak, and to also heal myself from damage done long before. I needed time to make room for him in my life, so that I could start our relationship with room for our love to grow, and not be weighed down by baggage and hurt. It wasn't intentional in the moment, but The Universe clearly wanted me to be with this man, and started working on me before he arrived in my life. I held on to a lot of stuff - hurt, anger, sadness, self-doubt, fears of inadequacy - but something told my spirit to work on those things, to be a better version of myself. That better version was meant to love him, to grow into one and begin a new phase in my life with him by my side.
Nature abhors a vacuum and it filled the vacuum of my heart with the man who I was meant for, my partner. And now we're embarking onto a new phase of life together. I feel so confident in this decision, I feel no fear, only excitement and joy, which lets me know we're doing the right thing. I cannot wait to see more of our journey unfold.