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Hi friends!

Welcome to my little corner of Al Gore’s Internet. I’m Jareesa - I’m a scientist, a freelance writer, a knitter, wife to LM, mom to #BabyPi, and more. I love Queen Bey, squishy yarn, watching GBBO, and attempting to bake. Sometimes I rant, sometimes I rave, but I always tell the truth.

Asking For Your Mate's Permission

My girl LM had a very interesting conversation with two male co-workers yesterday. The highlights:

  • They can't go on vacation without their girlfriends (whaaaaaa?).
  • Their girlfriend's can't go on vacation without them, because apparently women are guaranteed to cheat when they are unchaperoned.
  • Said cheating is especially prevalent on cruises and in international destinations (I don't understand the logic behind this one).
  • Girlfriends must ask permission to go on vacation without these men, and they would not allow their girlfriends to go.

I had to take a moment after LM relayed all this information to me, because I think my head exploded. So much chauvinism and sexism all in one place! I know the men who made these comments, and I guarantee that one actually believes all this crap, and the other was probably just following along for the first guy's benefit. That still makes him wack by default tho; being a follower is never cute. Anyway, beyond the complete #fails at logic (women are guaranteed to cheat on vacation? who comes up with this stuff?), the concept of asking permission really struck me.

Do you ask your significant other for permission when you want to do something? Does it depend on what it is? Or do you just keep them informed, consider their opinion if they are affected, and then do whatever the hell you want anyway?

I haven't had to ask another person's permission to do something since I was a teenager. But even then, I didn't have to ask my parents permission for much. I didn't even have a curfew #winning. I earned the right to not have a curfew tho - I was responsible, got good grades, and always came home when I told my parents I would be home. They didn't sweat me, and I could do what I wanted, for the most part.

So you can see my hesitation with this whole "ask your S/O for permission" thing. Asking another adult for permission to do something is just...foreign to me. To be clear, I'm not talking about the idea of keeping your mate informed, and considering them in your decision. Those are two things that absolutely should be done, at a minimum. But permission? That implies that my mate has the power to prevent me from doing something that I want to do, simply because they say so. Ummmm....yeah. I like being in charge of my life & I'm not gonna give that up simply because I choose to spend my life with someone. Being in a relationship or married does not give my mate veto power in my life.

On the flip side, I wouldn't want my S/O to seek my permission either. He's grown, I'm grown, we're all grown & he can do whatever the hell he wants to do. I may not like something he wants to do, and at that point he has to decide whether it's worth doing. And I would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot. But I'm uncomfy telling a grown person what they can & cannot do. Especially a man. Is it just me?

On Twitter a follower told me I wasn't ready to be in a relationship since I'm uncomfy with this whole permission thing. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just ready for a relationship with a man who knows I'm his partner, not a child, and perfectly capable of making rational, logical, intelligent decisions.


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