Men Putting Women On Blast - Justified Or Unmanly?

Tuesday morning I logged into Twitter like I do every morning, and my timeline was on fire, thanks to the antics of @JoeBudden (the rapper) and @Esther_Baxter (the video girl). Seems these two used to date & had a falling out, and decided to take shots at each other on Twitter. Sidenote: going back & forth with your S/O or ex on Twitter, FB or anything else public is just bad biz. Just say no ppl. At one point Joe Budden threatened to Twitpic some intimate pics of Esther Baxter. I saw reactions that ranged from anticipation of the pic (I worry abt some of yall) to condemnation of Joe, his behavior, & categorizing it as unmanly, bitch-made, etc.


Is it unmanly, bitchmade, etc for a man to strike out at his ex by airing out all her dirty laundry in public?

Clearly Joe has a history of this - he's been known for talking about his ex's like Tahiry & Somaya Reese. Sidenote: why do chicks keep fucking with him? You see how he treated the last five broads but you think it wont happen to you? Dummy. Public shaming of his ex's seems to be Joe's modus operandi. I've observed a couple other examples of men airing out women recently, and I wonder how prevalent it is.

One case involves another Twitter beef *sigh*.  A Twitter flirtation led to a pic exchange, and when things went bad, the pics (of the woman, who had a bf btw) were posted on a blog. In another case, the ex-boyfriend of the rapper Charli Baltimore made a Youtube vid saying some very unnice things about her & recounting some very embarrassing information about her.

In both of cases, I saw the same two reactions - either the women should have acted in a manner that would have prevented said airing out (especially in the case of the chick sending pics to a dude that wasn't her man), or the man was always wrong & wack to pull such a stunt, no matter what the woman did.

Granted it's never a good move to act a monkey with someone who has the power to put you & your biz on front street. But does the perceived slight/betrayal/offense justify the public shaming of another person? Is this behavior even more unacceptable because it comes from a man? For a lot of folks, the answer is "yes".

I get it - hurt people do irrational things & act out. But this airing out of all your ex's biz in an attempt to hurt them seems so petty & juvenile. And yes, grown men should be above that. It seems like the equivalent of women who will mess up a guy's car after the relationship goes bad. And don't mistake me, I expect grown women to be above that petty behavior as well.

Is putting your ex on front street the new hot thing for the fellas? Or is it wack & they should be ashamed of themselves? Is this a simple case of payback or something more?

31 Day Reset Challenge - Day 14

Still catching up on the 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge, here's my post for Day 14. Today's exercise is to imagine your perfect day. Keep in mind those things you listed in the 100 things that make you happy exercise. Take 30 minutes & jot down how your perfect day would go, using the present tense.

I've never really imagined my perfect day before, so this was a new experience for me. But I really just wrote whatever came to mind  & went with it. So here's my perfect day:

I wake up after sleeping in. I spend a moment meditating to center myself before getting up. I dress for yoga practice, and head to the studio, I participate in a 90 minute heated yoga practice, focusing on the breath & the experience. I head home, where I take a leisurely bath or shower and dress in a comfy yet stylish outfit. I have a good breakfast & a cup of coffee. I read the paper while I eat breakfast. After breakfast I head to a museum, taking time to go through the various exhibits. I meet some friends  for lunch at my favorite restaurant. We have a long lunch & enjoy a good conversation. After lunch, I do a bit of shopping and also visit the library. My last stop is to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for dinner. Once home, I put away the groceries and relax for a few minutes. I spend time checking emails and speaking with a friend or family member on the phone. I cook a healthy dinner and enjoy it along with a nice glass of wine. After dinner, I relax with a good book, some knitting or a movie. At the end of the day, I relax in bed & drift off to sleep.

What does your perfect day look like?

Happy Founders' Day!

Today is Founders' Day for my wonderful sorority, Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc!  Way back in 1922, my illustrious founders came together to found an amazing organization, filled with talented trailblazing women who are impacting their communities.  And we're still upholding that tradition & serving our communities while also fostering sisterhood & encouraging scholarship.

Its been almost 7 years since I pledged, and I still love my sorority just as much as I did the day I was initiated.  I've met some amazing sorors, been involved in great service projects, and learned so much through my (brief) years as a Sigma Gamma Rho.  And I know it will get better as the years go by.

So to all my beautiful sorors, Happy Founders' Day!  EEEE-Yip!

Getting My Life Together Part II

Note: I was feeling emo so I sat on this post for a few days...and I'm glad I did. I don't write when I'm sad, and I was really down before I wrote this. This time two years ago, my life was totally different. I was MISERABLE. Unhappy...stuck...and unable to do anything besides whine to my friends about my unhappiness.  I literally reached rock-bottom before I got fed up and made changes.

2009 was the year of getting my life together. I made moves, tried some new things, approached the world with a different outlook, and things started happening for me, the culmination being the job I have now, and the move in early 2010. And overall 2010 has been a great year - with a few exceptions. Those exceptions are making my life more difficult. Have me feeling more emo (in a bad way) than I want to be. 2008 & 2009's despair is slowly creeping back, and I don't ever want to be as low as I was back then.

So I'm going back to the things that worked before, in an effort to fix what's wrong. Will I be completely 100% successful? Who knows...but I'm giving it a concerted earnest effort.

Wish me luck.

Why Do You Need To Know?

Two topics dominated my Twitter timeline yesterday - Beyonce's womb & Tyler Perry's sexuality. Both topics had me asking the same question - why do you need to know?

Granted, its human nature to be inquisitive.  We live in a celeb-crazy society that tracks their every move, and people eat it up.  We know what they're wearing, where they vacation, what they drink, all that.  But damn, do you need to know everything? And should some stuff even be news?

On the Beyonce story I was willing to cut folks some slack - she's an amazing artist & I'm sure her fans are genuinely happy for her & want to share in her joy, if the story is true that is (I think it isn't, but that's neither here nor there).  But the Tyler Perry thing?  So inappropriate to ask about his sexuality.  He doesn't owe the public anything - his sexuality is his & his alone.  The only person(s) who deserves information is whoever he's sleeping with.  And if you not trying to kick it with Tyler Perry like that, then why do you need to know if he's gay or not?

I'm sure some of you are thinking, "But Jubes, they are celebs, they put their lives on display.  Plus if you put info out in the public domain, you can't expect folks to not talk about it." I agree on both of those fronts.  But for both Beyonce & Tyler Perry, they never made official statements, did an interview and announced "I'm preggers" or "I'm gay".  Its all speculation & other folks talking for them.  If they purposely don't say anything about whatever topic, then why do folks think they have a right to know?  Being a celebrity doesn't give any random person carte blanche to question your personal life.

Just like you wouldn't want to be questioned about your marital status, your sexual orientation, when you're going to procreate, celebrities don't either.  They deserve the same respect as everyone else.  The biggest question is, why do people think that they are entitled to ask anyone those types of questions? Its flat-out rude & unacceptable, and if you're one of those people who does it, STOP.IT.NOW. All you're doing is pissing people off.  Especially me.

So readers, what's your take?  Should some topics be off-limits?  Or do you want to know everything abt your fave celeb?  And how do you handle ppl who ask questions that are way too personal?

Five Gadgets On My Wish List

I love gadgets & technology.  Sadly, my pocketbook does not, hence why I have a "gadget wish list" in the first place.  Hopefully I can start adding these to my collection - and if anyone wants to help me out, I'm taking donations! LOL

Five Gadgets On My Wish List

iPod Touch 64G

I've been wanting a new iPod for a while, and the iPod Touch has been calling my name.  Sadly, I can't justify buying a new iPod when my 32G Classic is still going strong, 4 years after I bought it.  But the minute it goes out or I luck up on a GREAT discount, I'm copping the 64G iPod Touch #trustme.


My good friend LM got a Kindle months ago, and when she came to visit I got a chance to check it out.  I gotta say, its super cute & looks very convenient.  I'm a bibliophile & will never give up books completely, but the various e-readers on the market are very cool & have some perks.  I haven't decided on which one I want, between the Kindle, Nook & Sony E-Reader, but after some research & whatnot, I'm sure I'll choose the best one to fit my needs.

Roku Player

I've discussed before how I want to stop giving Comcast all my $$$, and I think the Roku player is gonna help me get there.  Basically its a little box that lets you stream content from various sources, the most common being Netflix, Hulu & Pandora.  It doesn't download content, it streams it.  I pretty much only have my cable so I can watch football, but come Jan/Feb, Roku & I are gonna be getting down.

Blu-Ray Player

Yes, I realize that I'm behind the times.  Yall have to realize that it took me forever to switch over completely to DVDs.  So yes, its taken me some time figure out that I need to get on this Blu-Ray thing.  Seems like its here to stay, so I need to do some research on players.  Any recommendations?

Blackberry Bold smartphone

I'm already on #teamblackberry, but I need a new one.  Right now Im working with the Blackberry Tour, and I can't wait until Dec so that I can get a new phone.  Granted, the Bold isn't much different from the Tour - the only difference between the phones is the Bold has a trackpad & Wifi.  But hey, those are important!

Are you into gadgets?  Do you have a wishlist, & if you do, what's on yours? Copped anything recently?  Let me know!

Five Movies I Watch Whenever They're On TV

I'm a big movie fan, and there are some movies I can watch over & over & over again.  No matter how many times I've seen them I always sit down & watch the following movies...doesn't matter if they are on cable, network tv or HBO.

So...Five Movies I Always Watch Whenever They're On:

Forrest Gump

I know most of this movie''s dialogue by heart, but I watch it every single time anyway.  You cant help but love Forrest, & how he goes through life having all these amazing experiences, yet he's totally oblivious to it all.  And his undying love for Jenny, even though she's all messed up, is so sweet.

The Color Purple

This is one of those classics that gets watched every time.  The subject matter isn't the greatest - an abused Black woman in rural Georgia - but its such an entertaining film.  Not to mention its given us some great one-liners & other quotes.  My favorite part is when Celie curses out Mister at the dinner table & then hops in the car with Shug & her husband...she finally overcomes the abuse & pain that Mister had inflicted on her for so many years and reaches for her happiness.

Coming To America

How could you NOT watch this movie every time its on?  Eddie Murphy & Arsenio Hall are ridiculously funny & provide so many classic lines.  Plus James Earl Jones, Samuel L Jackson, and African dancers?  Yeah...I love this movie!  I know every line in this movie too, sad I know, but hey, its a classic film.

Steel Magnolias

This is one of the movies that I've watched ever since I was young, and I still love it.  The best part is the beginning, where Shelby is getting married.  Between the beauty parlor scene & the wedding/reception, there are lots of laughs.  The end is so sad, but its a sweet movie.

House Party

This movie is a classic, can you believe its over 20 years old?  The clothes...the hairstyles...the dances...Its the best and the worst of the late 80's/early 90's.  Plus all the talent: Robin Harris, Tisha Campbell, AJ Johnson, Martin Lawrence, John Witherspoon & more.   I know most of this movie by heart too, and the same scenes still make me laugh over & over again.  I know I can't be the only one that loves this movie.

So what movies do you watch whenever their on?  Let me know!

A Name Change To Change Your Past

I was getting dressed for work yesterday when I heard an interesting story on the news - the Corn Refiners Association is petitioning the FDA to change the name of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) to "corn sugar".  It seems that 58% of Americans think HFCS is bad for you, and numerous products are either ditching HFCS or proclaiming that they were always HFCS-free to generate sales & alleviate fears.  Needless to say, the Corn Refiners Association thinks they are getting a bad rap & that if they change the name, folks will start using their product again.  This got me thinking about how one alludes their past.  This change from HFCS to corn sugar is but one example in history of a product or company changing their name to get over an ugly incident.  Another example is Airtran, who emerged after the Valujet crash in Florida in the 90's - Valujet bought Airtran Airways & switched to the Airtran name because the Valujet brand was forever tainted.  Yet another example is the firm Xe Services, formally known as Blackwater Worldwide, the security company notorious for ambushing Iraqi citizens.

While companies and brands have the ability to change their name to get away from a bad past, do people have the same luxury?  Think about all the folks that are infamous...or even folks you know or have just "heard things" about.  The majority of them are stuck with their names, and the associated infamous behavior, forever.  Its not like Monica Lewinsky could just decide to call herself Pauline & be done with the whole thing, you know?

In July, the New York Times Magazine ran a great piece titled "The Web Means the End of Forgetting" which discussed the hardship of moving past an ugly incident in our digital age.  Everything is logged, saved on a server, print-screened, etc.  Where human memories fade & falter, digital ones forever store not only a mention of your transgression, but the evidence alongside it.  In a time where everything you do is not just remembered, but saved forever, how do you distance yourself from youthful transgressions?  Simply moving across the country (or across the pond) isn't enough when anyone can Google your name and find out that your loser ex-boyfriend posted naked photos of you online, or that you wrote a less-than politically correct blog post back in college. 

People scoffed & laughed, but I think Google CEO Eric Schmidt was on the right track when he said that everyone should be allowed one name change to "distance themselves from youthful hijinks stored in their friends social media sites"   Granted, some would say that people should be more diligent about protecting their name & avoiding controversary...but at the same time, we've all been young.  And stupid.  Most of us just did our young stupid stuff before you could be tagged on Facebook or before someone could Tweet about it.  Kids now don't have that luxury, and as we all know, your name means everything.  Ruin it & you're ruined.

So what do you guys think?  Does the Google CEO have the right idea?  Can a name change change your past & give you a fresh start?

A Slower Pace

I tend to move at a fast pace.  Everything is go, go, go.  When I'm in the car, I'm most likely speeding.  I'll pick up a book & finish it quickly.  Meals go down pretty quick, especially if its good and I'm hungry.  Everything in my life just moves at a break-neck pace, from work to making decisions to my personal life.

I'm starting to think that maybe moving quickly isn't the best strategy.

I've always been the type to do things in a hurry.  Especially when I make a decision about something - once I make up my mind, I jump right in & do it.  No cooling off period or rethinking period, just make a choice & go for it.  Sometimes its worked out, other times it hasn't.  But I was always moving so fast that it really didn't matter.

Yeah, I'm kind of over it.  I've been thinking about all the times that I've jumped in head-first instead of wading in slowly.  Some of my best examples come from my dating life.  I used to have a 3 Month Rule - generally I date a guy for about 3 months before I get bored & I'm ready to move on to the next.  But boredom came from jumping in head-over-heels from the very beginning.  Even at the job...I was totally digging it, all gung-ho about taking the new job by storm...and now I'm just like "BLAH" about the whole thing.

I know how to either go 90 mph or go 0 mph...I have no concept of what a slower pace is, but I'd like to find out.

I'm working on going slower, but it is a challenge.  But its nice at the same time - I'm trying to stay in the moment instead of being focused on the next milestone or the next goal that I'm supposed to accomplish.

Do you move fast or slow?  Any tips on how to slow down?

Five Random Things From My Life Right Now

I actually have a lot more than five random things going on right  now, but all yall get is five, k? 1. I signed up for bartender school - In my last post I talked about how I am unhappy as a chemist & my desire to walk away from my job & the corporate lifestyle overall.  Before I can do that, I gotta get my #hustle on, and being a bartender is one of my strategies.  I've always wanted to go to bartender school, and I talked about it a few months ago on Twitter, so I finally took the plunge.  I have a couple friends who went to this school & had success getting bartender positions, so I think this will work for me.  I start training this weekend & I'm looking forward to it.  So far I've discovered that I know how to make more drinks than I thought - does that make me a lush?

2. I'm feeling like I made the wrong choice  about the attorney.  That's all I'm going to say about that right now.

3. Football season is almost upon us & I'm so excited! I'm happy to just be back in a city with a football team.  Yall know I'm a Colts fan, so I will be cheering them on all season, along with my alma maters, the Gophers & the Yellow Jackets.

4. Ladies, have you heard of  Its like Gilt or Rue La La but for beauty products.  They sent me a coupon code so I took a look around the site & wound up ordering a "mystery pack" of items.  So what was in my "mystery pack"?

I got:

  • 1 Moulton Brown Not Just Lips 3 in 1 travel stick in Amazon (a pretty copper color)
  • 1 Iman Perfect Eye Pencil in Nutbush (a medium brown)
  • 1 Prescriptives Incredible Lipcolor in Garnet (an amazingly bright red lipstick)
  • plus 2 foundations - Nars Balanced Foundation in Hawaii (could be a summertime foundation for me) as well as Sue Devitt Triple Seaweed Gel Foundation in Kimberley Plateau (my PERFECT shade & its made for dry skin -yay!).

I got all this stuff for only $15 including shipping! Love it!

5. I have a new hobby - I'm a knitter!  I took a knitting class this spring through Community Ed, and I've been knitting all summer.  I picked it up very easily & I really enjoy it, it's very relaxing.  So far I've made some dishclothes and 1 scarf, and I'm currently working on a 2nd scarf.  This fall I'm planning to take a mitten class and a hat class.  No old lady jokes ok?  Knitting is very "in" right now.